Bittersweet

the bitter result of a meltdown

Sweet

Life for us has been playing out like a bittersweet symphony, where the drugs don't work (thanks The Verve).  Events like this morning make me question my decision to have more children.  Feeding a baby and protecting a toddler while your 8 year old destroys your house. smashes his head against various hard surfaces in between throwing objects at you, will do that.

I can't help but wonder what kind of impact living in this situation will have on their lives....
I can already see how it is affecting our eldest child as he was fighting  back tears this morning as all hell broke lose.  There's no doubting the level of stress that my other children will carry, which is no less compounded by parents who can't seem to agree on the correct way to deal with it  (is there really a correct way to 'deal' with this?)

A few days ago, I finally swallowed my pride and admitted that I am out of my depth and needed help,  only to be told that funding for this kind of thing doesn't extend to the area we live in.  Let it be said that 'my area' would hardly be considered unworthy of funding.  Lack of funding for a crisis situation?  The media has been very vocal lately regarding Autism funding, some going as far as to say that medical professionals are falsely diagnosing borderline kids in order to get funding.  Apparently the government is pouring money into Autism.
As bad as things are here, they are exhausting but do-able,.....  for  now.   Fast forward 4 or 5 years though and try to picture how  we will be travelling as a family unit then?  Not so good if things don't start to turn around.  Yesterday I was reminded of the lad who pulled a knife on his mother because he didn't want to take his meds and was subsequently shot dead by an inexperienced police officer.   A couple of years ago I could never of related to that story but now I'm not so sure.